Marriage is a Private Affair

Chinua Achebe, Nigeria (1930 – 2013)

Unit: Crosscultural Bridges

Subject: Flax-Golden Tales

Four Levels of Interacting with Text

Literal Comprehension:

The story Marriage is a Private Affair is written by Nigerian writer Chinua Achebe. It is about love and marriage between Nnaemeka and Nene. Nnaemeka belongs to the Ibo tribe, while Nene is from a different tribe. They get engaged and start living together in Lagos City. Nene asks Nnaemeka to inform his father, Okeke, about their engagement, but he hesitates because he knows his father’s strict beliefs. In their culture, fathers arrange marriages for their sons within their own tribe. If a son chooses his own partner from another tribe, it is seen as unacceptable and creates conflict.

When Nnaemeka visits his village, he tells his father that he is marrying Nene, a Christian teacher from Lagos. Okeke becomes furious because, in his belief, a Christian woman should not teach or speak publicly. When he learns that Nene is from a different tribe, he becomes silent, which is even scarier than his anger. He tries to change his son’s mind, but when he realizes Nnaemeka won’t listen, he disowns him and orders him to leave. The villagers also criticize Nnaemeka’s decision and suggest checking him with a witch doctor, but Okeke refuses.

After six months, Nnaemeka shows Nene a letter from his father. Earlier, Nnaemeka had sent their wedding photo to Okeke, but his father returned it after cutting out Nene’s picture. This upsets Nene, but Nnaemeka reassures her that his father is a good man and will change over time.

For eight years, Okeke does not talk about his son and tries to forget him. Meanwhile, Nene and Nnaemeka live happily in Lagos and have two sons. One day, Nene writes a letter to Okeke, saying their children want to meet their grandfather. She assures him that she will not come, only the boys will. When Okeke reads the letter, he finally realizes his mistake. The thought of his grandsons waiting outside in the rain makes him emotional. He regrets keeping his son and his family away for so long. He fears he might die before making things right.

Interpretation:

The story teaches that marriage should be a personal choice, not forced by traditions. It also shows how strict cultural beliefs can cause pain and family separation. Okeke’s refusal to accept his son’s marriage led to years of sadness and regret. The author suggests that people should be open-minded and allow individuals to marry based on love, not just tradition.

Critical Thinking:

The story supports love marriages, but it does not discuss the benefits of arranged marriages, which are also successful in many cases. It also raises some questions:

• If Nene and Nnaemeka were completely happy, why did Nene write to Okeke asking him to meet their children?
• Can love marriages always guarantee happiness? Today, we see many divorces in love marriages, while arranged marriages often last longer.
• How can a father reject his own son just because of a marriage choice?

Assimilation:

This story reminds me that superstitious beliefs exist not only in Nigeria but everywhere, including Nepal. I had a similar experience when I wanted to marry my wife. She is from the Newar community, and I am from a Brahmin family. Our families opposed our relationship because of cultural differences. However, we did not give up. We convinced them and got married. Now, both families accept our marriage, and we live happily.