"Marriage is a Private Affair" -Chinua Achebe

Marriage is a Private Affair

Chinua Achebe, Nigeria

This story "Marriage is a Private Affair" may be trying to tell us that one must think deeply about one's life in own way for a pleasant life because life is meant to be lived happily with greater understanding. For example, Nnaemeka and Nene in the story deeply thought about their life to live happily with greater understanding. Therefore, they thought that marriage is a private affair.

b. Write the four levels of meaning to "Marriage is a Private Affair."

Literal Comprehension: "Marriage is a Private Affair" is a suggestive story that talks about private affair of marriage written by famous Nigerian writer, China Achebe. An Ibo boy Nnaemeka fell in love with another tribe's cosmopolitan girl Nene. He got engaged to her and started to live in Lagos city. Nene was a city girl who didn't know any culture of the remote village Ibo of Nnaemeka. His father had chosen a girl of their own culture Ugoye. According to his father, she was a fit girl, with manners and culture but Nnaemeka rejected her. When Nnaemeka told his father Okeke that he was going to get married to a Christian girl who was a teacher. Okeke became very angry with his son's decision because it was against the system of his Ibo tribe. Okeke didn't speak with Nnaemeka nor had any food when he knew his son's engagement with Nene. Different old people and gentlemen came to Okeke and encouraged him to go against his son. They suggested getting his son checked with a witch doctor. But Okeke denied that idea. But Nene and Nnaemeka were living happier and more comfortable life in Lagos. The villagers brought that message to the Ibo tribe. Almost eight years went by not having any contact between Okeke and his son. Until then Nene had given birth to two sons. She wrote a serious letter to Okeke saying that his two grandsons were waiting to see their grandfather very much. But now the idea of grandsons melted his heart. She also said that Nene wouldn't come to the village but Nnaemeka would come with two grandsons. Sooner Okeke realized his mistake of not inviting his son and daughter-in-law for eight years into their home. He regretted his own misbehavior. The sky was clouded and started to rain. Okeke saw a vision that two grandsons were waiting outside in the rain asking to come in. Tears his eyes, Okeke wanted to invite Nene's family at home by the last part of the story.

Interpretation:  The story "Marriage is Private Affair" might be trying to tell us that married life becomes happy and joyful if it is done privately and in accordance with personal choice. Life is to live happily and with satisfaction which is possible when marriage is according to individual choice. It is not necessary to get married within own culture like Ibo in this story to live a happy married life. If we are superstitious and narrow-minded, it brings us tensions and problems. As Okeke denied accepting his son's private marriage with Nene. He has eight years of tension missing them. Misunderstanding, conflict and sadness are the results of narrow-mindedness. We should be careful, qualified and independent then personal choice of marriage can be the best example of marriage. It also may be trying to say that parental love can't be blocked with a single misunderstanding sooner or later they change their mentality like Okeke.

Critical Thinking: Life is to live with joy and happiness. If we are educated and enlightened, our life becomes successful and productive. An arranged marriage is not always suitable and is the best marriage. Private affair marriage is the best example of marriage according to the writer. We can ask some disagreeable points. Has Okeke denied Nene according to Christ's teaching? Aren't all human beings the children of the same God? Is arranged marriage always become happy? How can a father reject his son due to a misunderstanding of marriage? But love or private affair of marriage is not always fitted in every situation. If the persons get married without a complete understanding levels and socio-economic aspects in arranged marriages then that of private affairs of marriage. Both are not perfect examples of marriage whereas both can't be the worst ones. According to a person's situation and culture, both marriages can be fitted. Even then private affair of marriage can't be denied at first.

Assimilation: After reading this story I knew that superstitious and back-warded societies are not only in Nepal they can be found all over the world. Okeke is a representative father of most of Nepali uneducated fathers and Ibo culture is one of the backward cultures of Nepal. Again this story reminded me of the love marriage of Khem and Saru in my village. After passing SLC Khem fell in love with a Brahmin girl Saru. There was no chance for an arranged marriage with her. As a Chhetri boy, Khem got married to Saru from a temple and came secretly to Kathmandu. Both Khem and Saru's parents were angry for three years. After three years Saru gave birth to daughter Seema. When the parents heard about the granddaughter they changed their mentality. They accepted their son and daughter-in-law only after four years. Now Khem and Saru are living happily with Seema and her grandparents.

c. Would you say that marriage in Nepal is a private affair?

According to tradition and culture marriage is taken place. Nepal is a traditional society. So, must of the marriages are taken as public affairs or as the arranged marriages. There are different cultures, religions, communities and other groups of people. The marriage systems are different in different cultures. In general we can say that in the village areas, uneducated and traditional societies arranged marriage is becoming popular. Slowly private affair of marriage is popular in Nepal. But we can see difficult life in non-arranged marriages. No doubt, private affair of marriage can be the best marriage system but there must be good understanding, education , sharing and realization.

No we can’t generalize that marriage in Nepal is a private affair. There is still a majority of arranged marriages. Now the marriage process has not become purely private or public affairs. It is relative term. Sometimes the mixed of both systems can be seen in the exercise that is arrange marriage. Bride or bridegroom  doesn’t decide the marriage, but their guardians and elder people take part in it. There is concern about economic status, education, culture and social background. Only then marriage process is carried out. After the engagement marriage date is decided. Bridegroom goes to bridges home to get married. Sometimes from temples or public holy places marriages are taken place. Now, in the name of marriage, dowry has played very negative roles in different societies. There is gradual change to purely love or private affair of marriage from public or arranged marriage. There are changes to select their life partners to sons and daughters to some extent. We can’t deny to say that there is pubic affair of marriage in Nepal not private one.

d) “Marriage is Private Affair” resolves around the conflict between Nnaemeka and his father. Discuss.

a. Describe this conflict.

b. Explain the reason for this conflict.

c. Is this conflict ever resolved?

d. Relate a similar conflict in your own experience.

The situation of this essay is like this: Nnaemeka is a son of Okeke who gets married with Nene, a teacher from another culture and settled in the city of Lagos. The old generation of Okeke and young generation of Nnaemeka bring out a conflict between two cultures. The parents were selecting a suitable girl, Ugoyefrom village, within same cast and standard but the son Nnaemeka was in love with Nene. When Nnaemeka didn't get any support from family about his personal marriage affair he disobeyed the public affair of marriage managed by his parents. Thus, he defied his old culture.

The conflict in this story is the conflict between two cultures. The conflict between son and the father becomes a true battle between modern advanced mind and old conservative mind. The young boy of Ibo culture, Nnaemeka brought the conflict with his father making cross-cultural marriage against the will of his parents. Although there are a numbers of scientific developments there are still some dead habits and superstitions which are mostly exercised by Nnaemeka's father, Mrs. and other villagers of Ibo society. The story raises a question whether the marriage is private affair or public one as a main conflict.

When Nnaemeka has tried to marry a wanted girl Nene, a cosmopolitan girl, he tries to convince his traditional father who is against his marriage. the father doesn't consider the problem of his son. Heblindly and bluntly rejects his proposal and never allows his daughter-in-law to go to his house. Nene follows different Christians belief so the father rejects her. He even says he is not going to see her face. He mutilates the photographs and sends back to her. When his son informs him about his already done marriage he becomes much angry that he doesn't eat and speak. He thinks that his son shouldn't marry against his will and against superstitious society. According to his opinion marriage should be public affair. So there is a great conflict between generation gap and two cultures.

The chief reason of this conflict is the marriage done by Nnaemeka is against the conservative will of Okeke. Though he is less superstitious than villagers still it takes some times to have change in his thinking.

The private marriage affairs of Nnaemeka has brought the conflict and quarrel between traditional father and modern son. There is long-term (eight years) gap of communication. The conflict between father and son is a symbolic conflict between whole social conflict of two generations. After eight years of convincing struggle from Nene gradual change comes in the mind  ofOkeke as well. Nene informs Okeke about his two handsome lovely grandsons who timely request about meeting theirgrandfather. That concept of grandsons melts the Stony heart of Okeke. There is a symbolic heavy rain and pouring could. By the time past the father seems completely in favour of son's family and he has enough place to accept them in his house as members.

In some uneducated societies there are public marriage affairs and such conflicts like Nnaemeka and his father takes place. Some modern developed families don't have such conflict rather marriage is done privately. The writer tells us that marriage is a private affair. The parents shouldn't interfere their conscious sons and daughters in case of marriage. They shouldn't be narrow minded, because cast and color discrimination is very bad thing for progress prosperity of family and society. Even the writer says that love is not bound by any caste and religion. Time and awareness solve all kinds of conflicts. One must think about his/her own way for pleasant and happy life. Since marriage is a relation between a male and a female they marry, settle down and live together according to their choice. If two boy and girl are in love and they have understood every responsibility they are better to marry each other.